Have I ever mentioned i go to clubs sometimes?
I guess no.
I guess this is not most "Christian"thing i've ever done... I just love dancing around in a club simply because it's fun.
However, the most simple enjoyment can turn into such nightmare, to me.
As a guy ,who suffers from homosexuality and who didn't tell his new friend that his problem before heading a night club, can have a lot of pressure while dancing around.
There are two nights of experience that i can feel the ache after hanging out in the clubs. One is right after my exam. I joined the Pub Crawl. While my new German friend was getting moves on a girl. I couldn't do simply because i am sexually unable to. I don't know how to deal with that moment but having self pity and doubt to God. Its like...i just want to have fun and dance and why is there such complication?
Today, the same complication came up, again. This time i was with one of my local friends. He saw me dancing alone on the dance floor and he asked, "There is no girl and only guys are dancing...why did you dance there? Why don't you get a girl?" At that moment, my brain was kinda blown. My friend, how much i want to tell you that i am suffering some kind of defection and i couldn't do it? Do you know how badly i want someone? And yet, i could only say "oh, i just enjoy dancing alone. Unlike you, bud, always have intention! Haha!"
I'm yelling and sobbing inside my heart right now and i couldn't come up with any verses this time... Any of you can come up with good verses?
Another low valley throughtout the process.
No comments:
Post a Comment