Chapter 7: Spiritual Set Back

Hold onto me, my Lord.

 Recently I’ve been feeling attacked by the enemies again. Well, like the title… a spiritual set back. So what’s the problem?

 I guess I really want someone.

 The spiritual fire started by some memory with Stefan. The dreamy feeling to feel like dating tastes so sweet to me that I confused what friendship, brotherhood and romantic love are. Somehow I ask myself. What causes me to want Stefan? Maybe I enjoy his kindness and clever personality? If this is the case, why couldn’t I find the same personality in a girl? I don’t know how to answer that. I’m on the journey to figure out.

 This is a trigger of the attack.

Another thing is a debate by Matthew Vines, a gay Christian who argues that it’s OK to be Christian and gay at the same time. The debate drives me a bit nut.

Is it true to be gay and Christian? I DON’T KNOW. I’m super confused.

 Let’s take a look of what he said… two of his arguments…
 

1.      In the book of Genesis, God commends to assign a suitable partner and it’s not necessary to be female.

Matthew Vines argues that God took out a rib from Adam and shaped woman, Eve, as his partner and suggests that God didn’t enforce the partnership for a man to necessary to a woman. Vines suggests that God didn’t intend to use his creation to warn or command us to have to marry opposite sex and he said it was a interpretation of general world view. He also suggests that in Genesis 2:18, “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” Vines suggests that even the homosexuals are not meant to be alone. They deserve someone. (My comment on this point: deserve someone… does it make it okay to date the same sex though? Also, this point triggered my ache that I am not able to marry a woman in my life and seeing people to move on with their marriage. I almost cried when he brought the situation up)

2.      Cultural difference caused translation problems in the story of Lot

In the story of Lot, people suggest that God hates homosexuality because they are one of the reasons why God burnt down the city. In Genesis 19, the wicked people asked for the angels in Lot’s house so that they can do the “wicked thing” with the angels and the “wicked thing”…they meant sex.

 Matthew Vines suggests that in the ancient context in the Middle-East culture, having sex with people who are the same sex means an insult or offense. They wanted to have sex with the angels not because they find the angels handsome or emotionally turned on to have sex with them. It’s rather that people want to insult them. Vines suggests that western bible experts and authority might make a mistake in translation as well as commentary/interpretation.

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It was a very long debate video on Youtube. I suggest you to watch it, no matter you are struggling homosexuality like me or not. It’s a very intellectual to watch and think about. However, it’s also the reason to make me confused.

So, is it okay to find a guy and date him?

Right now, while I am not sure about anything, I would say I’d better say single. That can never go wrong, right?

Keep on waiting….

Chapter 6: His world? When The West Meets The East

“If you were of the world, the world would his own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”
                                                                                                             ~John 15:19

  It was Easter few days ago and it was a great time to reflect who Jesus is and take another evaluation on my life. Some people might say that it is so cheesy to read the Easter chapters every year and, to invite someone to church.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus died and he is resurrected. What? Go to church. Dude! WTF?

Oh well. If you think Hong Kong has a strong sense of Christianity, you should look deeper in this place.
 
  Being an ambassador in two “undertakings”, both HKBU and our identities from Abba, I’ve been finding opportunities to preach the gospel and bring people to church.

 I can say this is like a challenge to hike on the highest mountain in the world. I’ve been feeling so impossible regardless how I press it on. I understand the intention to press on is enough and evangelism is not about trying but trusting God to change people’s heart but still, sometimes I find myself so desperate. I wish to see tons of people believe. I hope his kingdom comes as in the heaven in this eastern city. However, the more of my hopes on, the more of my doubt creeps in. It sounds quite ironic but it’s true.

   Down to a more realistic evaluation, I come to summarize the common reasons why Hong Kongers have hard time to believe in Jesus whenever I try and here are my insights. I’m not like pastors or evangelists. Evangelizing is something I try to do but it doesn’t mean I’m good at it (actually so not good at it) or expert…. Definitely, I’m no expert.

  First, Samson is not flexible enough to evangelize.

  Just face it. Being a reverse “weireboo” (someone loves eastern culture. Well, so I’m another way around). While I’m enjoying myself of being so comfortable to stay with North Americans, I’m learning to blend myself more like a Hong Konger rather than Canadian or American or whoever that I am not or whatever that giving me a false sense of identity. Just like what is said in the Book of Corinthians, if we want to evangelize, we should look like and be like those people. It’s another type of art to learn the phrases “to be like” or “to look like”. It’s because there are differences between “to be like” and “to be” (not the fact with “like” and without “like”, of course not what I mean). Personally, I have hard time to be more like Hong Konger. People have been telling me that they feel like they are talking to a “gweilo” (fun name for westerners, in case you don’t know) more than talking to a local Hong Konger, which makes my local friends, feel so uncomfortable. Do I earn the right to say “I can’t help it because that’s who I am”? I afraid I don’t and I’m not allowed to say so. Does it mean I have to reverse TO BE a Hong Konger and TO BE madly in love with HK pop or K-pop and snack on sushi every day? No exactly. See, that’s why it is an art. To take a precise balance between Hong Kong culture and western culture so that I am not changing myself in order to fit in and to introduce JC into the mist of both cultures that I’m with.

  Another process of learning, I guess.

 

  Second, the working environment is way too objective to talk about Jesus.

 

  As an audit intern, I’m not supposed to talk to coworkers about religions because it is against the norm in this place. I know God is so powerful and I’m not. People in CPA firms care numbers and short term enjoyment. I’ve been wondering of what I sang, a song by Rend Collective, “Build you kingdom here”. There’s a line of lyrics in the chorus is like that: “Change the atmosphere, build your kingdom here. We praise”.

 When have I lived this line of lyrics out even I’ve been singing it for so long?

 As I said, I’m no expert or evangelist. I don’t know how to spread God’s good news in a CPA firm.

 To be honest, my awesome American readers (I know you’ve been reading!!), I would be grateful if you’d like to jump into this discussion with me, because surprisingly, office culture is quite universal. No matter this is Hong Kong or the States, office culture is pretty much the same.

 

  You know, people avoid religion in the workplace for one word’s sake.

  Professionalism

  You talk about God? You’re out. You don’t work in a CPA firm and talk about God. For me, maybe I’m too free spirit to care rules sometimes. I just think it would be a small dish to talk about who they believe as long as nobody wants to hold a rocket launcher in this office and to say that they kill people in the name of God. (I’m just making illustration. Don’t shoot me if you are Muslim.) I’m quite open to talk about Buddhism or Taoism to people since I once wanted to be a Buddhist or Tao apprentice.

 No, it’s forbidden to talk about God in the office.

 So, Jesus, what should I do?

 Third, Hong Kongers view Christianity as a western belief.

 The religion origin matters. That’s what I can say. Christianity is founded from Middle East and to be colored and spread by the western countries. It’s not hard to understand people think that “it’s not their thing.” Besides, missionaries are mostly Christians who devote themselves into mission work are Americans, at least most of the missionaries that I come across. It’s not uncommon that Hong Kongers associate Jesus as western god. I would say the culture here is just quite self-protective. Hong Kongers are mostly, not usually, open to western world and the language barrier create a dynamic. I am not suggesting Hong Kongers should be westernized in order to open up for Christianity. I like people being westernized but it shouldn’t come from beliefs. I guess after all, belief is still attached deeply with culture. Hong Kongers just can’t escape from karma and reborn process (there’s a better word but I forget how to spell it) I don’t understand why they prefer karma and the reborn process and why they couldn’t take another possibility of the result of their afterlife.

 Another thing to observe and learn? I don’t know.

 I remember I was whining that why I am not in Canada right now and I’m back to Hong Kong instead. I know, legit reason, his work to be done in this city, but how can I fire a gun if I don’t even know how to load the gun and to pull the trigger?

  God, help me out here.