Chapter 6: His world? When The West Meets The East

“If you were of the world, the world would his own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”
                                                                                                             ~John 15:19

  It was Easter few days ago and it was a great time to reflect who Jesus is and take another evaluation on my life. Some people might say that it is so cheesy to read the Easter chapters every year and, to invite someone to church.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus died and he is resurrected. What? Go to church. Dude! WTF?

Oh well. If you think Hong Kong has a strong sense of Christianity, you should look deeper in this place.
 
  Being an ambassador in two “undertakings”, both HKBU and our identities from Abba, I’ve been finding opportunities to preach the gospel and bring people to church.

 I can say this is like a challenge to hike on the highest mountain in the world. I’ve been feeling so impossible regardless how I press it on. I understand the intention to press on is enough and evangelism is not about trying but trusting God to change people’s heart but still, sometimes I find myself so desperate. I wish to see tons of people believe. I hope his kingdom comes as in the heaven in this eastern city. However, the more of my hopes on, the more of my doubt creeps in. It sounds quite ironic but it’s true.

   Down to a more realistic evaluation, I come to summarize the common reasons why Hong Kongers have hard time to believe in Jesus whenever I try and here are my insights. I’m not like pastors or evangelists. Evangelizing is something I try to do but it doesn’t mean I’m good at it (actually so not good at it) or expert…. Definitely, I’m no expert.

  First, Samson is not flexible enough to evangelize.

  Just face it. Being a reverse “weireboo” (someone loves eastern culture. Well, so I’m another way around). While I’m enjoying myself of being so comfortable to stay with North Americans, I’m learning to blend myself more like a Hong Konger rather than Canadian or American or whoever that I am not or whatever that giving me a false sense of identity. Just like what is said in the Book of Corinthians, if we want to evangelize, we should look like and be like those people. It’s another type of art to learn the phrases “to be like” or “to look like”. It’s because there are differences between “to be like” and “to be” (not the fact with “like” and without “like”, of course not what I mean). Personally, I have hard time to be more like Hong Konger. People have been telling me that they feel like they are talking to a “gweilo” (fun name for westerners, in case you don’t know) more than talking to a local Hong Konger, which makes my local friends, feel so uncomfortable. Do I earn the right to say “I can’t help it because that’s who I am”? I afraid I don’t and I’m not allowed to say so. Does it mean I have to reverse TO BE a Hong Konger and TO BE madly in love with HK pop or K-pop and snack on sushi every day? No exactly. See, that’s why it is an art. To take a precise balance between Hong Kong culture and western culture so that I am not changing myself in order to fit in and to introduce JC into the mist of both cultures that I’m with.

  Another process of learning, I guess.

 

  Second, the working environment is way too objective to talk about Jesus.

 

  As an audit intern, I’m not supposed to talk to coworkers about religions because it is against the norm in this place. I know God is so powerful and I’m not. People in CPA firms care numbers and short term enjoyment. I’ve been wondering of what I sang, a song by Rend Collective, “Build you kingdom here”. There’s a line of lyrics in the chorus is like that: “Change the atmosphere, build your kingdom here. We praise”.

 When have I lived this line of lyrics out even I’ve been singing it for so long?

 As I said, I’m no expert or evangelist. I don’t know how to spread God’s good news in a CPA firm.

 To be honest, my awesome American readers (I know you’ve been reading!!), I would be grateful if you’d like to jump into this discussion with me, because surprisingly, office culture is quite universal. No matter this is Hong Kong or the States, office culture is pretty much the same.

 

  You know, people avoid religion in the workplace for one word’s sake.

  Professionalism

  You talk about God? You’re out. You don’t work in a CPA firm and talk about God. For me, maybe I’m too free spirit to care rules sometimes. I just think it would be a small dish to talk about who they believe as long as nobody wants to hold a rocket launcher in this office and to say that they kill people in the name of God. (I’m just making illustration. Don’t shoot me if you are Muslim.) I’m quite open to talk about Buddhism or Taoism to people since I once wanted to be a Buddhist or Tao apprentice.

 No, it’s forbidden to talk about God in the office.

 So, Jesus, what should I do?

 Third, Hong Kongers view Christianity as a western belief.

 The religion origin matters. That’s what I can say. Christianity is founded from Middle East and to be colored and spread by the western countries. It’s not hard to understand people think that “it’s not their thing.” Besides, missionaries are mostly Christians who devote themselves into mission work are Americans, at least most of the missionaries that I come across. It’s not uncommon that Hong Kongers associate Jesus as western god. I would say the culture here is just quite self-protective. Hong Kongers are mostly, not usually, open to western world and the language barrier create a dynamic. I am not suggesting Hong Kongers should be westernized in order to open up for Christianity. I like people being westernized but it shouldn’t come from beliefs. I guess after all, belief is still attached deeply with culture. Hong Kongers just can’t escape from karma and reborn process (there’s a better word but I forget how to spell it) I don’t understand why they prefer karma and the reborn process and why they couldn’t take another possibility of the result of their afterlife.

 Another thing to observe and learn? I don’t know.

 I remember I was whining that why I am not in Canada right now and I’m back to Hong Kong instead. I know, legit reason, his work to be done in this city, but how can I fire a gun if I don’t even know how to load the gun and to pull the trigger?

  God, help me out here.

Chapter 4: Ache under the neon lights

Have I ever mentioned i go to clubs sometimes?

I guess no.

I guess this is not most "Christian"thing i've ever done... I just love dancing around in a club simply because it's fun.

However, the most simple enjoyment can turn into such nightmare, to me.

As a guy ,who suffers from homosexuality and who didn't tell his new friend that his problem before heading a night club, can have a lot of pressure while dancing around.

There are two nights of experience that i can feel the ache after hanging out in the clubs. One is right after my exam. I joined the Pub Crawl. While my new German friend was getting moves on a girl. I couldn't do simply because i am sexually unable to. I don't know how to deal with that moment but having self pity and doubt to God. Its like...i just want to have fun and dance and why is there such complication?

Today, the same complication came up, again. This time i was with one of my local friends. He saw me dancing alone on the dance floor and he asked, "There is no girl and only guys are dancing...why did you dance there? Why don't you get a girl?" At that moment, my brain was kinda blown. My friend, how much i want to tell you that i am suffering some kind of defection and i couldn't do it? Do you know how badly i want someone? And yet, i could only say "oh, i just enjoy dancing alone. Unlike you, bud, always have intention! Haha!"

I'm yelling and sobbing inside my heart right now and i couldn't come up with any verses this time... Any of you can come up with good verses?

Another low valley throughtout the process.

Chapter 2: Always Forever

"You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever"
     ~ Always forever, Phil Wickham

  As I mentioned, this story is not just about the process of finding my career calling. Its also about the process of finding my romantic relationship and the process of taking my relationship with God to the next level.
 
  It is funny, isn't?

  We all long for an existance called "relationship".

  Relationship with our parents
  Relationship with our siblings
  Relationship with our spouse
  Relationship with our children

  We all long for it,no matter in a deep or shallow extent.

  Somehow, we all miss out the ultimate one. You know the Christian chessy stuff will come up eventually, don't you?

Relationship with Jesus, God, our father

  Yeah, i know... It is getting old to hear Christian to throw the name of God on the table and talk about what we hear from sermons. "Yeah, God is so great, our father. He sends his only son, Jesus, to save us."  This is an unshakable hard fact to say "Jesus rescues and saves" like an epic. It is true. However,Jesus as a father, as my dad, means more than an epic.

As a guy who suffers from being homosexual, I am able to have a different sense to perceive and to understand who God is in an emotional way. I won't say i imagine God/Jesus as a part of my sinnful fantasy. (That's so GROSS of me if i do)

In fact, i am able to understand the tears of the "bride and bridegroom parable" in the bible. In the book, it is written,
"Jeremiah 16:9

For this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Before your eyes and in your days I will bring an end to the sounds of joy and gladness and to the voices of bride and bridegroom in this place."

  I am only a 20 year-old college student who comes from Hong Kong. Merriage may be not in the corner yet and not to mention with my circumstances, merriage...may be a bit far away. However, i have attended quite a few of weddings in my life and I gotta say i can sense the happiness when the bride and the bridegroom are announced merried and they kiss each other.
 
  I may not have this one of the best life moment due to my sexuality and my obedience to God. I do learn something from my brothers/sisters in-Christ's weddings.

I have learned the words from the Chritians' vows.

I used to think romantic relationships has an important element, which is sex. Without sex, no relationship formed. I'm not saying like...one night stand then boom! We are merried, no.  I'm saying that i thought a couple had to have sex to claim themselves as a couple because that is the element to differentiate friend and couple.

One of a godly couples' wedding has changed my point.

I don't know how many of you know Amanda Cook and Jacob Cook from Bethel Church in the United States. Amanda Cook is one of the godly women, worshippers and musicians I ever encountered (Well, I have never had the honor to meet her in person) I've found her wedding video from Youtube and the song from the background and their vows just literally make me sob.

Jacob said in his vow," i commit to you that i will never lose sight of my savior Jesus..."  and this is Amanda's vow "Jacob, i want to thank you for pursue God's heart in order to find me. You are worth to wait". The song is the background is the song lyrics i quoted at the beginning of this article. "Always forever" by Phil Wickham.

I suggest you to watch their wedding before you read further (https://youtu.be/Ag3SyZXtq4w)

Their wedding get me understand the meaning of finding my future wife and the art of waiting. Waiting means that i will not get upset even the ending probably is that i will stay single until i see Jesus, BUT, that's the point! The definition in my dictionary should not only be wedding on Earth with my wife. It is about waiting God and his communion with us. That is point of Amanda&Jacob's wedding vows, the meaning of the song and the verse.

The wedding with a spouse is an arrangement to have someone to walk with us in the process of searching God like the process that i am walking through. A partnership, from God, formed in order to find him, look for him harder.

Back to my circumstance, I don't understand why i am gay and i have no idea how to deal with my love life. My heart is ready to find someone but it is sinful to find a guy. I was wrecked because of this issue and i sometimes still cry very hard to yell to God about my desperation. However, i am on the journey to learn how to wait.

To wait, like i said.

Not just wait for 10 years, 20 years. I seek God and wait upon my love to show up in an eternity term.

I have no clue,but i wait.